SUBSCRIBE FOR NEWS UPDATES

How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items

Author(s): Jason Offutt

The human race is an endangered species. Vampires, werewolves, Bigfoot, and killer robots – they’re all trying to kill us. Killer robots even have the word “killer” in their name. Can it get more obvious? We need to rid the world of these monsters before they rid the world of us. All of them. But these monsters aren’t real, right? Wrong, and you’re dead.

These creatures wander the periphery of our reality, waiting for a moment of weakness, and then attack while we’re home alone in our underwear. “How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a guidebook on how to rid your life of these monsters before they kill you, so sharpen that machete and gas up the weed whacker, folks. 

Each chapter contains: 

•    How to identify the monster

•    Who’s going to help you kill it

•    Your arsenal and where to keep it (kitchen, bathroom, living room, garage, etc.).

•    Behavior of the monster while you’re trying to kill it

•    Disposing of the body

•    Monster powers

•    Monster weaknesses

•    How to avoid the monster

“How to Kill Monsters Using Common Household Items” is a must have home defense guide for the do-it-yourself slayer. After using this book, you too can understand that setting gnomes on fire with a Bic lighter and a can of Aqua Net is funny.

 

eBook

Kindle Amazon uk Amazon ca Nook Itunes Smashwords Kobo

ISBN

eBook
9781618684349
 
Large notesfromanecrophobe

“This is not an apocalypse, it’s an adjustment. There is still electricity. There is still the internet. There is still order. We will adapt and we will survive.” – U.S. government 

After twenty years of toil a team of Russian researchers drilled through nearly four kilometers of ice and reached Lake Vostok, a body of fresh water 100 miles long and 50 miles wide. Their efforts released the microorganisms entombed inside, something that nature managed to keep...

Large phoenix ebook final

"PHOENIX is the kind of psychological thriller you don't expect in a tale of the zombie apocalypse; Dulaney's got parallel paths to hell, and they're all great rides." -Thom Brannan, author of SAD WINGS OF DESTINY and LORDS OF NIGHT

They know the end is coming, and they know who is behind it. They think they have a Plan. A way to stop the men and women who are trying to destroy every single human being on the planet. Only those who are Special will be spared, and only they will be left to...

 
Large crawford bsac cover amazon

"Great book."--Books or Death

I am not going to complain to you about my life.

We’ve got zombies. They are not the brainless, rotting creatures we’d been led to expect. Unfortunately for us, they’re just as smart as they were before they died, very fast, much stronger than you or me, and possess no internal editor at all.

Claws. Did I mention claws?

I kill them for a living, but it’s as much a vocation as a freelance career choice. It helps me, helps my neighborhood, and the people I consider to...

Large 9781618686695

We guarantee this is the only tool you need to survive the zombie apocalypse. 

OK, that’s not really true. But when the SHTF you’re going to want a guide that’s not just about the day-to-day. You’ll need one that lifts your spirits. Living through the end of the world isn’t worth a damn unless you can enjoy yourself, right?

We can’t guarantee this guide will save you. But we can guarantee it'll keep you smiling while the living dead are chowing...

 
Large prevail ebookcover  1

What would you do if you lost power, water, and the protection of law enforcement, all in an instant … and what if you knew it was never coming back? 

Retired Marine and survivalist Chuck, his brilliant and brave wife, Madison, and their remarkable children are thrown from the modern world into a dystopian wasteland in the span of a few heartbeats. Now it’s up to Chuck to build a new life in a post-apocalyptic world that becomes more dangerous every day. 

Join the Nagys...

Large jagannath ebookcover

Jagannath [júggə naát]: a Hindu deity, literally “master of the universe.” Origin of juggernaut, a relentlessly destructive, crushing, and pitiless force.

An amorphous creature rises from the depths of Earth’s oceans in search of new food. It acquires a ravenous appetite for human flesh and blood, and begins annihilating humankind, growing as it feeds. By absorbing its new prey’s minds, the creature assimilates human intelligence and becomes self-aware....

 
Large crawford bsai cover amazon

Zombies were bad enough, but now we're being invaded from all sides. Up to our necks in blood, body parts, and unanswerable questions...

...As soon as the realization hit me, I lost my cool. I curled into the fetal position in a pile of blood, offal, and body parts, and froze there. What in the Hell was I becoming that killing was entertaining and satisfying? 

I don’t know how long I was on my side in the remains of my opponents, but the mess was coagulating and getting cold... to say...

Large madswine cover

People refer to the infected as “zombies,” but that’s not what they really are. Zombie implies the infected have died and reanimated. The thing is, they didn’t die. 

They’re still alive; they even breath. They’re just not human anymore.

Screams and a pulled fire alarm transform Matt Danzig’s average day in the university admissions office to anything but normal. After witnessing a colleague attacking a student with his teeth, Danzig begins a...

 
Large nlmsleep ebookcover

What would you do if you discovered everyone in your house, on your street, and in your town dead? Then discovered you weren’t alone and what was out there was hunting you? Melissa Allen knows exactly how it feels. With only a voice on the phone for help, she must stop what is happening before the monsters find her. 

Large 9781682611807  3

2099 A.D. With billions around the globe jobless, a spiraling crime rate, and an unquenchable demand for offworld human labor and soldiers, Earth’s rulers implement voluntary and forced transportation to other planets.  Among those compelled to go offworld are criminals and the unemployed.  Serve your sentence and maybe you will get the coveted “Second Chance at Life the Way It Should Be.”

Condemned killer Mace Christopher is just another piece of human flotsam...